Why Good Men Are Giving Up on Dating: The Modern Relationship Struggle No One Wants to Talk About

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Modern dating is a mess, and no one can deny it. The apps that were supposed to make dating easier have done the exact opposite. Instead of fostering real connections, they’ve created a never-ending game of strategy, where people hold their cards close to their chest, waiting to see if the other person is “worthy” before they decide to commit. Relationships feel more like transactions—where one person waits to see what they can get before they decide to invest—rather than two people coming together with open hearts and a willingness to build something real. And for men who genuinely want a meaningful relationship, this dynamic is exhausting.

There’s no denying that a lot of men in the past have hurt women. The stories are endless—gaslighting, cheating, emotional abuse, manipulation. Women have every right to be cautious. But at what point does caution turn into self-sabotage? What happens when the good men—the ones who are actually ready to love, support, and commit—get caught in the crossfire of past pain and hesitancy? Too often, they’re left feeling like they have to prove themselves just to earn a baseline level of trust. It’s no longer enough to be respectful, honest, and emotionally available. Men are now required to jump through hoops, pass endless tests, and demonstrate patience beyond reason just to be given the chance to date someone. And the harsh reality? Many of them are walking away from dating altogether because it’s no longer worth the effort.

Let’s talk about something that men hear all the time: “Where are all the good men?” The answer? They’re right in front of you. But too often, they’re met with skepticism instead of excitement. Women say they want kindness, consistency, and commitment, but when they finally meet a man who offers those things, suddenly it feels “too good to be true.” The same women who claim to want stability often hesitate when they find it. Meanwhile, the emotionally unavailable, unreliable, or outright toxic men still manage to dominate the dating scene. There’s an undeniable pattern—women staying hung up on a toxic ex or pining after a “bad boy” while overlooking the man who’s actually putting in the effort.

It’s even worse for men who are truly ready to settle down. They step up, they give everything a woman claims to want, and they still end up in situations where women are hesitant, guarded, or unwilling to trust them. They’re often met with walls built from past experiences, and instead of being seen for who they are, they’re judged based on what someone else did in a previous relationship. Imagine constantly having to prove that you’re not a cheater, not a liar, not emotionally unavailable—just to be considered a viable option for a relationship. It’s exhausting. And a lot of men are starting to wonder: is dating even worth it anymore?

Then there’s the absurdity of modern communication. Online dating has made things worse, not better. Texting for weeks on end without meeting in person? Ridiculous. This trend of endless texting, dodging phone calls, and refusing video chats is one of the biggest reasons men are checking out of dating. If a man is genuinely interested in getting to know you, why wouldn’t he want to hear your voice or see your face? In an era where catfishing is rampant, it’s perfectly reasonable for a man to want to verify that you are who you say you are. And yet, countless women will match with men, exchange a few messages, and then disappear into the abyss of unanswered texts. Others will engage in meaningless small talk for days but refuse to pick up the phone.

It’s outdated, it’s immature, and it’s a complete waste of time. If you’re truly looking for a relationship, act like it. A man asking to talk on the phone or jump on a video call isn’t being weird—he’s being efficient. He’s trying to gauge whether there’s an actual connection or if he’s just wasting his time on another match who isn’t serious. The reality is simple: men want to talk to you, they want to see you, they want to feel like they’re engaging with a real person, not just another profile on an app. And if you’re one of those women who claims she’s “too busy” to talk or meet up but has time to scroll through social media and swipe through hundreds of matches, then be honest with yourself—are you really looking for a relationship, or do you just like the attention?

And let’s talk about the absolute lack of dating etiquette that’s plaguing the modern dating world. If you start a conversation with someone, have the decency to continue it. If you’re no longer interested, say so. Don’t just ghost someone and expect them to read between the lines. If you’re engaging with someone in conversation, don’t just drop a text and disappear for days. It’s basic respect. You wouldn’t walk away in the middle of a conversation in real life, so why do it online?

And here’s another thing: don’t match with someone if you have no intention of responding. This is one of the most infuriating things about dating apps. Men put themselves out there, get a match, send a message—only to be met with complete silence. What is even the point? If you’re not interested, don’t swipe right. And if you are interested, act like it. This endless cycle of non-communication, flakiness, and mixed signals is why so many men are giving up on dating apps entirely. They’re tired of chasing women who don’t put in the same effort. They’re tired of playing guessing games. They’re tired of feeling like they have to prove their worth just to be treated with a basic level of respect.

And let’s be clear: this isn’t about men wanting women to lower their standards. It’s about women actually practicing what they preach. If you say you want a serious relationship, your actions should reflect that. If you claim you don’t have time for games, stop playing them. If you meet a good man—one who treats you with respect, communicates openly, and genuinely wants to get to know you—don’t sabotage it by overthinking, doubting, or testing him. Trusting someone new is scary, but relationships require risk. You can’t keep one foot out the door and expect to build something real.

At the end of the day, men are getting tired of the nonsense. They’re tired of feeling like dating is an uphill battle where they have to constantly prove themselves. They’re tired of dealing with people who say one thing but do another. They’re tired of investing in women who don’t invest back. The good men are still here. They still exist. But if this modern dating culture continues to push them away, don’t be surprised when they decide that settling down just isn’t worth it anymore.

So if you’re serious about finding love, act like it. If you meet a good man, recognize him for what he is and appreciate him. Because the way things are going, the good guys are starting to walk away—and when they do, don’t ask where they went.