The Long Laundry List of Wants, Part 2: The Never-Ending Scroll

Image Credit, Susanne Plank

Ladies, we need to have a heart-to-heart about your dating app bios. It’s bad enough that some of you have turned a simple “about me” section into what feels like a lengthy novel. Seriously, when a potential suitor is stuck scrolling through your bio for so long that his fingers cramp up and he starts wondering if he should’ve brought snacks for the journey, you’ve gone too far.

Let’s paint the picture: he’s swiping through profiles, quick hits of dopamine, a like here, a swipe there. Then, bam! He lands on your profile. The first few lines catch his eye, but then… he keeps scrolling, and scrolling, and scrolling. Before he knows it, he’s halfway through what feels like the sequel to War and Peace. It’s the kind of epic where by the time he reaches the end, he’s aged a few years and forgotten why he started reading in the first place.

Here’s the deal: nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to read a 10-page dissertation on your ideal man. If someone is crazy enough to endure the entire scroll marathon and makes it to the bottom, he deserves a medal, not a date. This is a dating app, not a literary contest. People are here for quick dopamine hits, not to commit to reading a never-ending saga.

So, how about we embrace the magic of KISS: Keep It Simple, Silly. Instead of writing your life story, focus on a few key points. Highlight your best traits, share a couple of fun facts, and leave the rest to be discovered on an actual date. Give them just enough to be intrigued, not overwhelmed. Trust me, less is more. Your future matches (and their fingers) will thank you.