The Hilarious Misadventures of Women Seeking Ethical Non-Monogamy (ENM)

Imnage Credit, Naassom Azevedo

In today’s wild world of dating apps, crafting the perfect profile is an art form. But ladies, when you dive into the murky waters of ethical non-monogamy (ENM), things can get hilariously complicated. So, what exactly is ENM? For the uninitiated, ENM is a fancy way of saying, “I want to date multiple people at the same time with everyone’s consent.” Think of it as the dating version of trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle – it sounds thrilling, but most people are just trying to avoid getting burned.

First off, let’s address the elephant in the room: ENM is still pretty taboo. Many folks have no idea what it is and, when they do figure it out, they often misunderstand it completely. They might think it’s code for wild orgies and no-strings-attached flings. Spoiler alert: It’s a bit more nuanced than that. But explaining that on a dating profile? Good luck.

Ladies, when you proudly declare your interest in ENM on your profile, here’s what typically happens: most men see those three letters and their minds immediately race to one conclusion – sex, sex, and more sex. “Ethical” and “non-monogamy” might as well be invisible. They’re picturing a scenario that involves less relationship-building and more mattress-tango with multiple partners.

Now, if you’re seeking a committed, long-term relationship where your partner is totally cool with you having other partners to ensure all your needs are met – cue the record scratch. It’s time for a reality check. Unless your new beau is also into the whole ENM thing, they’re likely running for the hills. The idea of being a part-time lover who has to share you with someone else? It’s about as appealing as a root canal.

There’s a lot to be said about having your cake, ice cream, and eating it all, but let’s get real. Most men are not looking to be the filling in an ENM sandwich. They aren’t keen on the idea of waiting around on standby or sharing a bed with you and another dude – talk about awkward!

So, if you’re putting ENM in your profile, be prepared for a limited number of replies. And here’s some advice: maybe temper expectations. If you’re going to broadcast your love for ethical non-monogamy, make sure to add a disclaimer – “Serious inquiries only, must love juggling flaming swords.”

But hey, dating is a numbers game, right? Somewhere out there, there’s a guy who’s reading your profile and thinking, “This is the adventure I’ve been waiting for!” Just remember, when he shows up wearing a helmet and safety goggles, you’ll know he’s the real deal. Happy swiping, and may the odds be ever in your favor!