Slow and Steady Doesn’t Always Win: The Consequences of Cautious Dating App Profiles

Image Credit, Gracini Studios

Ladies, gather ’round because it’s time for some brutally honest, yet hilariously funny, dating app advice. Picture this: You’re crafting your profile, pouring your heart into it, and then you drop the bombshell: “I want to take things really, really slow.” We get it. Slow is great. Slow is safe. But let’s be honest, you’re on a dating app, not signing up for a tortoise race.

First off, kudos to you for knowing what you want. But let’s address the elephant in the room: You’re on a dating app. Men on these platforms are more likely to leap headfirst into the dating pool, socks and all. Slow isn’t in their vocabulary unless it involves waiting for the Wi-Fi to buffer. So, if you want to cruise in the slow lane, you might end up watching potential matches zoom past like they’re in a Formula 1 race.

And then there’s the “I’m just looking for friends” line. Come on, really? Unless by “friends” you mean “friends with benefits,” you might as well join the PTA, a knitting club, or your mom’s church group. These places are teeming with potential platonic pals who won’t mind if you want to take things slow—really slow, like “watching-paint-dry” slow.

Ladies, let’s be real. If you’re on a dating app, chances are you’re searching for something more than a knitting buddy. It’s time to rethink your approach. Men want companionship, and let’s face it, they ultimately want sex. If they can find both in one place, they’re over the moon.

So, before you declare your profile a “slow zone,” consider this: You’re on a dating App. Imagine a man reading your profile, loving every detail about you, only to hit the brakes at the “really slow” part. It’s like promising a thrilling roller coaster ride and then serving up a kiddie carousel. They’re going to move on faster than you can say “snail’s pace.”

Here’s the deal: Redefine your idea of an appropriate pace. It doesn’t mean you have to dive into the deep end immediately, but maybe consider dipping a toe in first. Let’s be honest, men are not built for the long, slow burn—they’re more into the immediate spark. If this means, months before getting to first base but only after they have met every member of your family and Fido approved, there is a very realistic chance, they’re going to stop swinging or in this case, swiping right. If you’re searching for real companionship, try to meet them somewhere in the middle. You don’t have to jump straight into the fast lane, but at least shift out of neutral.

In summary, while it’s admirable to know what you want, remember that dating apps are like speed dating on steroids. Everyone’s looking to match, mingle, and maybe even more. So, set your pace, but keep it realistic. After all, slow and steady might win the race, but on a dating app, it might just leave you in the dust.

Good luck out there, and may the dating odds be ever in your favor—whether you’re racing or strolling.