Looking for Love, But Please Don’t Talk to Me: The ‘Don’t Hit on Me’ Dilemma

Image Credit, LavinHub

Ladies, gather ’round for a chat about one of the most baffling phenomena in the online dating universe: the “Don’t hit on me” bio. Now, don’t get me wrong, we all appreciate boundaries, but putting that in your dating profile is like strutting into a bakery and declaring, “I’m here for the bread, but don’t even think about offering me a croissant!” It’s like saying, “I want a man, but I don’t want him to actually talk to me because, you know, that would just be too much effort.”

Let’s be real for a second—being on a dating app and saying you don’t want to be hit on is kind of like wandering into a nightclub just to glare at the DJ for playing music. It’s like signing up for a marathon and then getting offended when someone asks if you’re going to run. If you’re on a dating app, the whole point is to mingle, not to pretend you’re on some sort of silent retreat where the goal is to see who can make the least amount of contact with the opposite sex.

Imagine you’re at a carnival, and you step up to the dunk tank. You sit on that precarious little platform, and then you tell everyone, “Please, don’t throw the ball. I just want to sit here and enjoy the ambiance of near-dunking without actually getting wet.” That’s what the “Don’t hit on me” bio sounds like. It’s like signing up for a cooking class and then freaking out when someone hands you a whisk—like, what did you expect? A quiet evening of food meditation?

Now, unless your dating strategy involves inventing the world’s first monastic relationship, where both parties take a vow of silence and communicate only through a series of intricate nods and eyebrow raises, maybe—just maybe—consider that a dating app is meant for, you know, actual interaction. Who knows, maybe that first “Hey” could lead to something great… or at the very least, a story that doesn’t end with you dodging the very thing you signed up for.