Image Credit, Michael Conway
Ladies, if you’re going to declare yourself a “certified vampire” on your dating profile, you need to be clear about what that entails. Otherwise, you might scare off a lot of potential suitors who aren’t quite sure if you’re joking or if they need to stock up on garlic.
First, let’s address the most obvious concern: the bloodsucking. A little clarity goes a long way here. Assure him that you’re not going to drink his blood while making out – unless he forgets the garlic bread on your first date. It’s a great way to inject some humor while also setting the record straight. Besides, garlic bread is delicious and practical!
Then there’s the matter of where you sleep. Yes, you sleep in a coffin. It’s vintage and chic, not to mention great for your posture. But let him know this doesn’t mean you’re some horror movie reject. Highlight the practical benefits, like the money you both could save on mattresses. If he can’t handle your unique taste in furniture, he might not be ready for this level of relationship anyway.
Sunlight is another potential concern. Be upfront about your nocturnal lifestyle. Day dates might be tricky, but moonlit walks and starry nights are far more romantic. Plus, you’re all about SPF 5000 when the situation calls for it. Let him know that while your schedule might be unconventional, the experiences you’ll share under the night sky will be worth it.
When it comes to food, your preference for the rare and juicy needs a light-hearted explanation. If he’s into medium-rare steaks, let him know you’ll get along just fine. Reassure him that you don’t bite – hard – unless that’s something he’s into. This keeps things playful and ensures he knows you’re not a literal vampire.
Your wardrobe, predominantly black, could also use some explanation. Explain that while you might look ready for a goth-themed ball at any moment, it’s really about style and practicality. Black goes with everything, after all. If he’s into the idea of matching capes, you might just be his perfect match.
Finally, clarify that declaring yourself a “certified vampire” is both a fun icebreaker and a test of his sense of humor. It’s a bit of a “f*** around and find out” moment. If he’s brave enough to date a certified vampire, he’s in for a unique and exciting adventure. Eternal love, hilarious undead antics, and a lifetime of nocturnal escapades await.
By being clear about what you mean when you say you’re a “certified vampire,” you can weed out the easily spooked and attract someone who appreciates your sense of humor and taste for the extraordinary. So, be upfront, be clear, and get ready for some unforgettable nights!
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