Grants = Votes? The Art of Sudden Generosity, A Canadian Pre-Election Tradition

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In the magical land of Canada, where beavers roam free, maple syrup flows like wine, and the government claims to care about your non-profit dreams, there exists a peculiar and fascinating phenomenon: the Grant Application Black Hole. Picture this: you, the earnest non-profit organization, pouring your soul into an application, attaching all the required forms, and submitting it with the naive hope that someone, somewhere, will read it. Good news! Your application has been received. Bad news? It’s now sitting in purgatory, gathering virtual dust.

But fear not, intrepid applicant, for salvation is at hand! Not because the government suddenly became efficient—don’t be ridiculous—but because a snap election might be on the horizon. You see, elections are like magical incantations that awaken the sleeping bureaucratic beasts. Suddenly, the very same government that couldn’t find the time, staff, or resources to review your application for months has discovered a treasure trove of “we care about you” funds. Coincidence? Of course not. How else do you think votes are bought—sorry, earned?

For-profit businesses, however, need not apply. In Canada, if you’re a small business owner daring to make a profit, you might as well be a pariah. Your options are clear: say “deuces” to the Canadian grant system, pack your bags, and head south to the U.S., where small businesses are welcomed with open arms. Down there, they don’t just smile at you; they’ll throw in a tax incentive or two for good measure. But here? Sorry, small business owners, this show’s not for you.

And let’s not forget the true VIPs of election season: minority organizations. For 95% of the year, your applications might be lost in the shuffle. But come election time? Oh, you’re suddenly the belle of the ball! “We see you,” the government proclaims with a smile as wide as a prairie horizon. “We’ve always cared deeply about your needs.” Uh-huh, sure you have. Just ignore the fact that these grants could’ve been approved months ago, like during the COVID-19 emergency when money was flying out the door faster than Tim Hortons sells double-doubles.

The excuses, though, are where the real comedy gold lies. “We’ve been overwhelmed,” the government says. “We didn’t have the manpower.” Funny how those same bottlenecks vanish the second an election looms, isn’t it? It’s almost as if they were waiting for the perfect moment to appear magnanimous. Timing is everything, after all, especially when there’s an electorate to woo and propaganda to roll out.

So, dear Canadians, grab your popcorn and watch the show. The purse strings will be open, the money will begin to flow, and the grants will get approved at lightning speed. It’s all just a happy coincidence that this happens right before a federal election. Because nothing says “we’re here for you” like a well-timed infusion of cash to buy—oops, trick—oops, convince people that the government is their best friend. Ah, Canada. The land of free healthcare, polite people, and what many say is the world’s most hilariously disingenuous grant distribution system. Cheers Eh!