Forever Yours (or Until the First Awkward Text): The Art of Not Terrifying Men on Dating Apps

Image credit, Min Woo Park

So you’ve decided to venture into the wild world of online dating, in search of that elusive long-term relationship. Congratulations! You’re basically telling the world that you’ve already picked out the wedding rings, filled in the marriage certificate, booked the venue, and even chosen your wedding dress. All that’s left is for your potential partner to show up in their current state – no need for a big wedding, just bring yourself. It’s like the express lane to Happily Ever After, right? Well, not so fast.

Let’s take a closer look at what you’re communicating to the unsuspecting men perusing your profile. Essentially, you’re saying, “Hey there, future hubby! I’ve got everything sorted out for our long-term adventure, and you just need to play your part. No need for small talk or getting to know each other; let’s cut to the chase and head straight to City Hall or elope!”

Now, we’re not saying that men don’t want relationships – they do, but let’s be real. Most often, the term “long-term relationship” is code for “let’s get down and dirty and see if we’re compatible short term.” It’s like buying a car without test driving it first – a risky move.

So, dear ladies, it’s time to readjust your approach and how you market yourself online. Here are some practical tips to make sure you’re not scaring away potential matches faster than you can say “I do”:

1. The Slow Burn Approach:
   Instead of jumping straight into the wedding planning details, start with some casual conversation. Ask about their favorite pizza toppings or whether they believe in aliens. You know, the important stuff.
2. Compatibility Checkpoint:
   Drop hints about your love for compatibility quizzes. Suggest taking one together to see if you’re a match made in heaven – or just a match made for a fun Friday night.
3. The Mystery Game:
   Keep a bit of mystery about your long-term plans. Instead of unveiling your wedding dress preferences, share your love for suspenseful movies or mystery novels. Let him work for those wedding details!
4. Adventure Awaits:
   Frame your long-term desires as an exciting adventure rather than a checklist. “I’m looking for a partner to join me on this epic journey called life” sounds way more appealing than “I’ve already picked out our joint dental plan.”
5. City Hall Comedy:
   If you’re a fan of elopement or City Hall weddings, make it a playful joke. “Considering a City Hall wedding – just to make sure we can handle each other’s quirks before committing to a big ceremony. Thoughts?”

Remember, ladies, online dating is a dance, not a sprint down the aisle. By injecting a bit of humor and dialing down the wedding bells, you’ll increase your chances of finding a man who’s not just swiping right but is also ready to waltz through the ups and downs of a genuine, long-term connection. Happy swiping!