Bumble, Tinder, P.O.F: Money, Money, Money Or Love?

Image Credit, Harry Cunningham

So, you’ve finally decided to dive into the wild world of online dating, hoping to find your one true love, or at least someone who can hold a conversation without using text speak. Congratulations! But before you start picturing wedding bells, let’s talk about the reality of these dating apps: Bumble, Plenty of Fish, and Tinder. Spoiler alert: It’s not all swiping and matching bliss. In fact, it’s more like swiping and realizing you just paid $50 to accidentally like your neighbour’s catfish account. Let’s dive into the money-making, frustrating underbelly of these so-called “matchmakers.”

First up, Bumble, the app that proudly claims to let women make the first move. Sounds empowering, right? Wrong. Because what Bumble doesn’t tell you is that you’re going to have to take out a second mortgage just to unlock the privilege of knowing who liked you. That’s right, Bumble’s premium features are so egregiously priced that you might as well start calling your financial advisor before you swipe right. And don’t even think about trying to find out who you’ve already liked. Bumble makes sure that once you swipe, it’s a one-way ticket to “Hope They Swipe Back-ville.” Oh, and that little notification saying someone likes you? Good luck figuring out who they are without forking over more cash—chances are they live halfway across the globe anyway. And refunds? Forget it. Bumble’s customer service is like a brick wall of “Nope, not happening.”

Oh, but here’s something interesting we stumbled upon during our Bumble escapade: After going swipe-crazy on profiles and hearing nothing but crickets—even with the premium subscription—something miraculous happens fairly shortly after you cancel. Suddenly, out of nowhere, you get a notification: “Someone has liked you! Please resubscribe to see who it is.” How convenient! So, naturally, you go down the rabbit hole, resubscribe, and what do you find? A profile that doesn’t even bother responding after you send a friendly introduction. Coincidence? Bumble claims they don’t use bots, but in our case, the timing is suspiciously perfect every time. It’s almost as if they’ve got an emergency button labeled “Get Them Back” for when you dare to cancel.

Then there’s Tinder, the OG of dating apps, where the matches are endless—if you pay for them, that is. Unlike Bumble, Tinder lets you see who you’ve liked, but here’s the kicker: Once you’ve shelled out for the premium subscription, you’re limited to the number of messages you can send before liking someone. That’s right; Tinder makes you think you’ve got messages, but in reality, you’re about to hit the paywall faster than you can say “Super Like.” And let’s not even start on the bots. Tinder is a hotbed of AI-generated profiles that are more interested in selling you cryptocurrency info than your heart. It’s almost a game at this point—spot the bot, because Tinder certainly isn’t doing it for you. Oh, and if you want unlimited Super Likes and messages, prepare to sell a kidney.

Last but not least, we have Plenty of Fish, affectionately known as POF. Now, out of all three, this one might be the least terrible, but that’s like saying one mosquito bite is better than three. The premium package is very reasonable giving you the most bang for your dollar, and you actually get 50 messages to send out, which is like a small miracle. But don’t get too excited—POF is also swimming in a sea of fake profiles and spammy solicitations for sex or to join someone’s Only Fans. And the best part? You can’t even unlike a profile. So when you accidentally swipe right on your boss’s profile, congratulations, you’re stuck with that awkwardness forever. Plus, deleting messages? POF says, “Nah, they’ll just come back to haunt you later.” Blocking someone should mean never seeing their profile again, right? Not on POF. Block someone, and they still linger in your feed like a bad breakup you can’t shake. And heaven help you if you block someone by mistake because there’s no undo button. Seriously, did anyone actually test these features before launching them?

These dating apps seem to be less about finding love and more about draining your bank account while testing your patience. If the developers of Bumble, Tinder, and POF are reading this (and they should be), here’s some free advice: Stop gouging users and fix the features that suck. Because trust us, and we do mean it literally, there’s an app out there, waiting in the wings, that’s going to sweep the floor with you and leave you swiping left on your own business model.