Betrayed in Uniform: Enduring Years of Sexual Assault and Surviving Multiple Suicide Attempts

“You only join the Canadian Military if you want to be raped!”

Those words are terrifying, and no 16-year-old girl should ever be told them, but that is what a family member told her when she enlisted. Sadly, the military journey of this brave soldier and her decade-plus serving in the Canadian Armed Forces was marked by a shared experience of sexual assault by her superiors.

Within the Canadian Armed Forces sanctum, where courage and camaraderie should stand tall, a young soldier’s journey emerges, marked not by heroism but by fear, confusion, and the silent struggle for help. Her steadfast dedication forms the core of a poignant narrative marred by the haunting shadows of sexual assault and the subsequent whirlwind of chaos—a reflection of a broader culture of abuse within the military.

The young soldier’s odyssey began at a mere 16 years of age, a genuine desire to serve her nation driving her initial steps into the Canadian Armed Forces. Her path eventually led her to achieve the distinguished rank of the top soldier in multiple units throughout the country. This trajectory of achievement, however, stood in stark contrast to the tumultuous trials that sought to erode her spirit along her arduous journey.

In the annals of her experiences, an early ordeal surfaces—an agonizing episode of sexual assault that scarred her during her tenure in the infantry at just 16 years old. This harrowing incident cast a long shadow over her existence, setting in motion a series of tribulations she valiantly grappled with as her career unfurled. Despite the colossal weight of these challenges, she clung to resilience, a symbol of strength that defined her character.

As time passed, her path led her to serve as a devoted reservist in the military for four years and over a decade in the regular force. Within this span, her life intertwined with an individual who would later ascend to powerful military and government ranks. This individual would be named in a lawsuit, exposing her urge to confront abuse within the military’s corridors. In the face of indifference from higher authorities, her determination echoes her search for accountability even when towering odds seemed insurmountable.

Her journey through the ranks was mirrored by a parallel struggle within her heart and mind. The spectre of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), stemming from the assault and its unrelenting aftermath, loomed large. Unfaltering, she embarked on a quest for healing, seeking solace through military and civilian therapy. Each stride marked her determination to regain control over her inner turmoil, a testament to her will.

Yet, amidst the peaks and valleys of her journey, shadows cast longer and darker. Detailed accounts unveil heart-wrenching battles with suicidal thoughts, a battle waged not once but twice, culminating in the heart-wrenching decision to explore assisted dying in Switzerland. These raw and intimate moments lay bare the depth of her pain, the ceaseless struggle that defined her daily existence.

In her quest for help, the young lady was trapped in the labyrinthine world of military doctors. Seeking refuge from her wounds, she unwittingly ventured down a treacherous path of medical intervention that would amplify her suffering. As PTSD tightened its grip, she turned to prescription medications, hoping to escape the turmoil that plagued her mind. Initially, these medications offered a fleeting reprieve, a semblance of relief amidst the chaos. However, as her PTSD intensified, the medicines became a double-edged sword, inflicting upon her severe psychotic episodes and pushing her to the brink of suicide.

Her ordeal was compounded by a series of potent medications that, unbeknownst to her, should never have been prescribed in such quick succession. The absence of a vital detox period, which she learned later, was a stark reminder of the complexity inherent in treating individuals with PTSD. Her journey underscores the critical importance of offering nuanced mental health interventions tailored to each individual’s unique experiences rather than relying solely on a blanket approach to prescription medications.

The narrative paints a glaring portrait of a systemic deficiency entrenched within the Canadian military—a flaw that nurtures a culture of abuse and neglect. It is within the intricacies of her story that this toxic culture thrives, driving her to the precipice of despair and fueling her multiple suicide attempts. Her experiences illuminate the shocking prevalence of abuse and emphasize the system’s abject failure to safeguard its members.

One particularly disheartening chapter unveils the aftermath of her decision to report the sexual assault. Instead of taking her concerns seriously, elements within her chain of command seemed more concerned about shielding her commanding officer from potential repercussions. This betrayal of trust, coupled with the pervasive apathy she encountered, underscored the magnitude of the uphill battle she was fighting.

She recounted the horrifying text messages and unwanted sexual advances she was subjected to, revealing a deeply disturbing pattern of grooming that persisted until she reached 18. And to her knowledge, one of them is still employed by the Canadian Armed Forces as a Company Sergeant Major. The others whom she reported for sexual assault have been discharged.

In the shadows of adversity, glimmers of hope emerge. Her narrative underscores a dual truth within the military—a reality wherein a culture of abuse persists, yet there also exist those who ardently strive to right the wrongs, to challenge the injustices that plague within. The story weaves a complex tapestry revealing predators and those who seek tirelessly to combat darkness.

Her story reflects a broader systemic problem that the Canadian Armed Forces must confront—an issue that reaches beyond her personal experiences. Her resilience becomes a clarion call for comprehensive reform, urging a shift away from a milieu where those in positions of power exploit their authority, perpetuating a culture of abuse and despair.

The story of this young soldier is not uncommon among women in the Canadian armed forces or those who have served. To carry such a heavy burden is unprecedented. Then you add that at nine years old, this soldier’s life took a harrowing turn when she bore witness to the outcome of the brutal murder– her uncle’s merciless slaying of her grandparents. After the traumatic events involving the shooting and torture of her grandparents, she was left to grapple with the gruesome aftermath alongside her parents, assisting in the heart-wrenching task of cleaning up the tragic scene. She recalls the hours of scrubbing the rug, and what seemed like the stain of their blood would not come out. As a result of experiencing so much tragedy, the human mind is remarkable for its ability to continue to strive for self-perseverance.

As we reflect upon her journey, we must grapple with the harsh realities she unveils—the sacrifices, the battles, the fleeting moments of triumph and the overwhelming despair. Her story underscores the urgent need to dismantle the toxic culture eroding the military’s core values while offering vital support for those who have endured the unendurable. Her unwavering fight for justice reverberates as a call for transformative change, ensuring those who dedicate themselves to protecting our nation do not suffer irreparable harm in the process.