Deuces: Canadians Say, Take Your 51st State Rhetoric and Go F*@K Yourself

Image Credit, Robin Higgins

The absurdity of Donald Trump’s recurring fantasy that Canada could somehow become the 51st state of the United States has crossed from laughable to downright embarrassing. It’s the kind of delusional grandstanding that belongs in the bargain bin of political pipe dreams, but somehow it’s still being floated by Trump’s inner circle as if it holds even the faintest thread of credibility. Here’s a wake-up call for anyone still clinging to this nonsense—Canadians aren’t interested, and even if they were, the logistical and constitutional barriers make it impossible.

The notion that Canada, a sovereign nation with its own political and cultural identity, would just fold itself into the dysfunctional mess south of the border ignores every foundational element of international treaties, constitutions, and basic common sense. For one, Canada still operates under the British monarch, with Indigenous treaties and land titles that alone would create a legal labyrinth even the most egotistical American lawmakers couldn’t navigate.

But let’s break it down for those who still don’t get it. The idea that 99% of Canadians would sign off on this is laughable. Why would Canadians willingly trade universal healthcare for a system that routinely bankrupts families over the cost of essential medical procedures? Why would they accept a nation that treats mass shootings as an inevitable consequence of “freedom” and where basic human rights are up for debate depending on which way the political winds blow?

There’s also the charm of the American justice system to consider—the kind that allows white supremacists to parade openly through city streets under the banner of free speech. Yes, Canada has its fair share of racial issues, but at least they aren’t celebrating hate marches like some twisted patriotic festival. No Canadian in their right mind is looking to trade in gun control laws for a society where owning military-grade weapons is a constitutional right.

Let’s not forget the glories of American infrastructure—urine-soaked subways, crumbling public transit, and cities where tent encampments stretch for miles. Homelessness is an issue in Canada, but the scale of it in places like Los Angeles or San Francisco is nothing short of dystopian. The thought of adopting a system that can’t even decide if it wants to keep its own government running every few months because of petty squabbles over the debt ceiling is, frankly, insulting.

And while we’re at it, how about the American obsession with the military-industrial complex? Over 850 military bases globally, wars waged to secure corporate interests, and a defense budget that exceeds a trillion dollars, which just so happens to dwarf the GDP of most countries combined. Why on Earth would Canadians want to entangle themselves further in that web?

Trump may fancy himself a master dealmaker, but no amount of bravado or chest-thumping rhetoric is going to turn Canada into another star on the American flag. Oh by the way, the State of the District of Columbia would like to know when are they going to get their star? With respect to Trump wanting the Great One #99 to be the governor of Canada, do we need to remind him what happened last time he left Canada to go Stateside, how’d that turn out EH?

The idea is dead on arrival, and as much as some misguided souls might entertain the thought, it’s never going to happen. The Prime Minister has already said it best—there’s no way in hell Canada becomes the 51st state. This joke has gone on far too long, and it’s time for America to stop fantasizing about annexing its neighbors and start fixing its own crumbling house.

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