Looking for a Pen Pal? Swipe Right and Welcome Back To Junior High!

Ladies, we’ve all seen it. You’re scrolling through a sea of profiles, each one screaming, “I’m adventurous,” “I love to travel,” or “I’m just here for a good time!” But then, you stumble upon the profile that stops you in your tracks. There it is, in bold letters: “Looking for a pen pal.”

Picture this: A guy, let’s call him Jake, is swiping away on his lunch break. He’s just matched with a profile that catches his eye. A pretty woman, stunning smile, and then BAM – she’s looking for a pen pal. Jake’s head tilts to the side like a confused puppy. Pen pal? Is she in prison? Did I just accidentally swipe right on a match from Alcatraz Singles? Or did I time travel back to junior high, where writing to your celebrity crush (I’m looking at you, Jonathan Taylor Thomas) was the pinnacle of romance?

Let’s get real for a second. We’re on a dating app, not a correspondence course. The whole point is to eventually meet, date, and do fun date things like awkwardly share an appetizer and pretend you don’t mind that they double-dipped. If you’re looking for a pen pal, it might be time for a little reality check.

First, no guy is eagerly logging onto a dating app thinking, “Man, I hope I find a great pen pal today.” They’re looking for someone to grab a coffee with, maybe go on a hike, or at least Netflix and actually chill. The idea of investing time in writing letters (or let’s be honest, long-winded texts) with the distant promise of a future date is a hard pass for most.

Here’s a thought: if you’re truly into the idea of a pen pal, there’s a whole demographic of men who would be thrilled to hear from you. They’re called inmates. They’ve got loads of time, infinite patience, and a knack for long-distance relationships. Plus, they love receiving mail – it’s like Christmas morning every time they get a letter. And who knows? If things go well, you might even get a conjugal visit out of it. Romantic, right?

But seriously, unless you’re planning to start a niche dating app called “Convict Cupid,” it might be time to reconsider your approach. Instead of “Looking for a pen pal,” how about “Looking for a great guy to share some laughs and maybe a drink with”?

So, unless you’re ready to channel your inner pen pal from 7th grade or become the belle of Cell Block C, let’s keep it simple. You’re here to date, meet, and have fun. The real world is out there, waiting for you with appetizers and awkward first-date conversations. So put down the pen, pick up your phone, and start swiping right for real connections.

Happy dating, ladies! And remember, leave the pen pal stuff to your middle school diary.