Once upon a time, in a world where Halloween was no longer confined to a single night but an eternal nightmare of political ghouls and goblins, our story unfolds. In the United States, President Joe Biden and the invisible woman, often referred to as Vice President Kamala Harris, were planning a Halloween costume party at the White House. Meanwhile, in Canada, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau was equally excited and determined to outdo the Americans. But what they didn’t know was that their Halloween antics would cause a political pandemonium like no other.
As the invitations went out, members of the Canadian opposition were equally eager to crash the party. Jagmeet Singh and Pierre Poilievre had been working tirelessly on their disguises, with Singh planning to come dressed as a Prime Minister. At the same time, Poilievre was set to come as a newly vetted NSICOP member, with his sticker that says “Nothing To Hide.”
In the United States, Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis received their invitations with mischievous grins. Trump was going as a “Civil Rights Lawyer,” with a debit machine and a Twitter bird perched on his shoulder, ready to tweet and charge his followers simultaneously. DeSantis, on the other hand, had a more peculiar costume in mind. He decided to go as “Ron the Rancher,” complete with a ten-gallon tin foil cowboy hat and his infamous funny-looking white boots with “extra high heels.”
As the day of the party arrived, an international disaster was brewing. Canada’s Minister, Mélanie Joly, dressed as someone with Foreign Affairs experience, while Deputy Prime Minister and Finance Minister Chrystia Freeland dressed as a driver’s Ed instructor. Together, they mixed up her brew filled with spices from India and the Middle East and, in their diplomacy briefcase, cast a spell that caused the Canadian embassy diplomats in India to be expelled. Meanwhile, U.S. Secretary of State Anthony Blinken, in a caffeine-induced haze, mistook the nuclear launch button for the coffee machine and sent an email to North Korea asking if they wanted a pumpkin spice latte.
Unbeknownst to all, the real disaster was about to begin. The Halloween party at the White House and the Canadian Parliament started innocently enough, with politicians mingling in outrageous costumes. Trudeau opted for a costume less controversial and dressed as a lumberjack, showing off his impressive axe skills for chopping the carbon tax for Atlantic Provinces. Biden, who went to the Halloween ball as a fully functioning, coherent person, all cleared of Foot-in-Mouth Disease.
The opposition members from Canada were having a field day, chanting “Carbon Tax, carbon tax, carbon tax!” while the American guests responded with chants of “Lock him up, Lock him up!” The atmosphere grew increasingly heated as debates on healthcare, immigration, and trade erupted into a cacophony of epic proportions.
Trump, seizing the opportunity, began a “You’re Fired!” contest, leading to the unfortunate expulsion of several foreign dignitaries. DeSantis, with his peculiar costume, waddled around, unintentionally kicking a member of Congress dressed as Mickey Mouse and the President of the NAACP with his oversized white boots with “extra high heels.”
Joly and Blinken, on the other hand, finally realized the chaos that had erupted in both countries. They rushed to the scene, with Joly accidentally turning Blinken into a hegemonic pumpkin with a misfired diplomacy spell.
Amid the madness, Biden and Trudeau decided to put their political differences aside and join forces to restore order. As they struggled to untangle themselves from their respective costumes, they made an announcement. Halloween was officially cancelled, and the world was saved from further political catastrophe.
The guests, realizing the absurdity of the situation, burst into laughter. Even the Canadian opposition and Republican Party members couldn’t help but chuckle at the ridiculousness of it all. They put their differences aside, at least for one night, and joined in the Halloween spirit.
As the convoy truck horn blasted at midnight, the enchantments wore off, and everyone returned to their usual selves. Blinken transformed back from a pumpkin, and DeSantis, much to everyone’s relief, removed his funny-looking white boots with “extra high heels.” The political world was saved from the eternal Halloween nightmare, though some would argue that political nightmares were an everyday occurrence.
And so, the legend of the Halloween party of politicians lived on as a tale of absurdity, unity, and the power of laughter to bridge the most profound divides. It was a reminder that, sometimes, the scariest monsters are the ones that exist in the world of politics, not in the realm of Halloween.
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